


You Best Believe I'm Yours

by wincechesters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Community: spnfemminibang, Dean/Cas is discussed heavily as though canon but they do not actually appear, Episode: s10e05 Fan Fiction, F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School, Pining, Pre-Canon, SPNFemslashMinibangRound2, Spoilers for S4/S5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wincechesters/pseuds/wincechesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kristen's mom would probably kill her for wasting energy on something like the school musical when she should be working on bringing her grades up and applying for colleges, but she just had to audition when she found out they were performing <i>Supernatural</i> for the musical this year. When she gets the part of Castiel, a character she identifies with more strongly than any other, she's never been happier—until she discovers that the actor playing Dean Winchester is none other than Siobhan, the girl she’s had a crush on for two years. Kristen’s done a good job keeping her feelings hidden, but suddenly she’s playing the part of a love-struck angel opposite the girl she’s practically in love with already, and Kristen is so totally screwed.</p>
<p>(Canonverse, pre-episode 10x05)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Best Believe I'm Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2015 [SPN Femslash Minibang](http://spnfemminibang.livejournal.com). Awesome art is by the talented and lovely [Psynatural](http://psynatural.livejournal.com), who also gave me a lot of encouragement and suggestions for this fic along the way for which I am SO grateful. I really enjoyed our collaboration! Please make sure to drop by the [Art Masterpost](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4768208) to leave kudos and let her know how great her art is!!
> 
> Thanks as always to the incandescent Meg for beta <3
> 
> **Regarding the Dean/Cas relationship tag:** Dean and Cas ARE NOT characters that appear "on screen" in this fic, however their relationship (and Kristen's/my perception of it) is discussed heavily throughout this story, often in a way that implies that it is canon. If that's not your thing, you may want to steer clear :)

The second the bell rings after fourth period, Kristen is out of her seat, scrambling out the door before the rest of her classmates, ignoring their irritated glares as she pushes past them. The last hour of classes before lunch had crawled by, and she'd been totally incapable of focusing on the dull drone of Ms. Finch's voice, her pen tapping restlessly against her notebook as she watched the seconds tick by.

She turns right out of the classroom, fighting against the tide of students as she makes her way in the opposite direction of her locker, weaving past laughing, gossiping girls until she finds herself standing in front of the announcement board. She stands on her tiptoes, trying to see over the taller students already swarming around the list, weaving back and forth.

“Sweet, I got Sam!” Maggie, a tall blonde Kristen knows from English and History and Physics, beams across at her friend, who hugs her.

“Bobby,” her friend replies, beaming. “I get to call you ‘idjit’.”

The two burst into giggles and Kristen fights the glare struggling to make its way onto her face, her lips pursing in irritation as she ducks her head around the pair, trying to see around them.

Finally they move, totally oblivious to tiny, short little Kristen trying to see around their gigantic tall-girl heads. She shoves her way to the front, pushing past Katie Jones to plant herself firmly right in front of the casting list.

Marie must have made the poster, because it’s got anti-possession sigils and Samulets and little Impalas all around the edge in a dorky, _Supernatural_ -themed border. Kristen scans down the list, heart hammering in her chest and throat suddenly dry. She’s not even really that into theater, doesn’t really care about musicals. But she has an okay singing voice, and when she heard they were doing _Supernatural_ for the school musical, she knew she had to audition. It's not something she would usually do, and her mom would probably disapprove big time, but Kristen knew she'd be kicking herself if she didn't give it a shot. And there was only one part she wanted to play: the character she’d found herself inexplicably drawn to, from the very first time she read the books.

She finds her name near the top of the page, and she doesn’t want to think about what that could mean. _Kristen Baker_ , the list reads and she has a second to feel a nauseating lurch in her stomach as she scans across the paper, her eyes following the trail of dots across.

_Castiel_.

An embarrassingly high pitched squeak forces its way past her mouth and she claps both hands over her mouth reflexively. Under her hands, she can feel the manic smile curling her lips as she turns away from the announcement board, oblivious to the other girls milling around her, waiting for a chance to check out the list.

Somehow, Kristen winds up back at her locker, shoving her books inside on autopilot. She pulls out her lunch and makes her way outside in a daze, settling down underneath a solitary birch tree in the middle of the schoolyard. She folds her legs underneath her, sitting cross-legged with her back against the tree, but she doesn’t take anything out of her bag yet. Her stomach is still turning backflips, way too excited to be able to keep down the turkey sandwich she’d made herself this morning. Her mom is going to be so pissed when she finds out what Kristen is wasting valuable studying time on, but Kristen can't bring herself to care.

Castiel. She gets to play Castiel.

Kristen’s face hurts from smiling. This is the best day. Ever.

* * *

Kristen’s twenty-three minutes early to their first rehearsal of _Supernatural: The Musical_ , and she knows that makes her a total nerd but she just can’t wait to see the script. The door to the auditorium closes loudly behind her as she lets herself in, echoing around the nearly empty room, and she winces, pressing her hands against it belatedly as if that’ll somehow dampen the sound.

“Kristen!”

She turns to find Marie bounding up the auditorium steps to greet her, her best friend Maeve trailing more slowly behind. The two of them—and now Kristen—are the only people in the room.

“Hey guys,” Kristen says sheepishly.  “I guess I’m early.”

“No, no,” Marie says, waving her off with a hand, “you’re _prompt_. It’s nice to see such _dedication_ to the _work_.” Maeve nods solemnly behind her in agreement, shifting the stack of what Kristen assumes are scripts in her arms.

“Thanks for casting me as Cas,” Kristen says, trying to sound grateful and not fanatical. “He’s really the only part I wanted to play.”

Marie’s eyes light up with a fervor that’s almost terrifying. “No, thank _you_. Your characterization was _so great_. The way you captured his desperation, his desire for approval warring with his need to do _right_...” Marie trails off, her face animated, her hands tightening into fists as she rants.

It’s a little bit scary, but Kristen can’t even judge. She totally gets it.

“Not everyone interprets him the same way,” Maeve adds. “But you seemed to really _get_ him.”

Kristen beams. Marie beams back.

“Here’s a copy of the script,” Maeve says, handing it over. “You’re not on until Act II so you might not get to act today, but you can hang around, meet the rest of the cast.”

Kristen nods, already flipping through the thick sheaf of paper, adorned with the same border of sigils and Samulets and cars as she slips into one of the auditorium seats. It looks like there are three acts, and she flips through to Act III to see what Marie’s got planned for the third act. LIke a lot of _Supernatural_ fans, Kristen has always kind of wondered what would’ve happened after the end of Swan Song, and had her own ideas about how that would play out. She even wrote some fanfiction once, but it was buried down deep in her desk, tucked inside an old copy of Jane Eyre, and it was _never_ going to see the light of day, thank you very much.

Her eyebrows go up as she reads, her lips twitching into a smile that’s half disbelieving, half amused. Well at least Cas didn’t stay up in Heaven the whole time, and Marie made sure Sam and Dean got back together, though she’s not sure the robots and the aliens are really all that congruous with the rest of the story. Oh well, at least the characterization is good; Marie’s always had a good grasp on the characters and their motivations, even if she might have gone a little bit overboard with the plot.

She flips back through to Act II to check out her introduction, and she grins all the way through the musical number Marie’s adapted from Lazarus Rising in which Dean finally meets the angel Castiel. Oh my god, that part’s going to be so rad. She hopes the tech Maeve has planned will be able to live up to the picture she has in her head, and that the music will do it justice.

Kristen flips through all the script to all the parts with Castiel, and she’s buried deep in the scene from On the Head of a Pin where Cas and Dean have their heart to heart—which Marie has made even _more_ intense than in canon if that’s possible, but in a way that Kristen feels really makes the subtext _text_ —which is why she misses it.

“Hellooo? Kristen?”

Kristen jumps, then looks up sheepishly to find Marie and Maeve standing in front of her with two other girls in tow. “Sorry,” she says, feeling a flush color her cheeks. She scrambles to her feet, holding out the script in demonstration, one finger marking her place. “This is really good, Marie.”

Marie grins elatedly. “ _Thank_ you. I’m so excited to see it come to life!”

“Me too,” Kristen agrees, smiling back.

“So we just wanted to introduce the three of you, since you’ll be doing a lot scenes together.” Marie reaches behind her and scoops the other two girls out of the aisle, tugging them forward. Kristen freezes, her eyes going wide and her stomach lurching painfully up into her chest. She forces a smile, hoping it doesn’t look as weak as it feels on her mouth.

“Kristen, this is Siobhan and Maggie,” Marie goes on, totally oblivious to Kristen’s plight. “You’re our Team Free Will!” Maggie looks practically rapturous with excitement and even Maeve is grinning broadly from Maggie’s side.

Maggie rolls her eyes a little. “We know each other, Marie, we have a bunch of classes together. It’s not exactly a big school.” She smiles at Kristen, who smiles weakly around her nerves, keeps her eyes glued to Maggie as she nods back. “Hey. I’m playing Sam.”

“Hey Kristen,” Siobhan says, then, and Kristen _has_ to look at her, can’t keep staring at Maggie even though Maggie is safe while Siobhan is most definitely _not_. When she forces her gaze over, Siobhan is smiling, dark hair hanging loose around her shoulders, and Kristen tries to ignore the way her face heats in response, and how her stomach flips. “I’m Dean.”

“Castiel,” Kristen responds automatically and she just can’t help but smile at that, not when Siobhan— _Siobhan—_ is standing in front of her introducing herself as Dean and Kristen’s introducing herself as Cas and this would be the best thing in the world except that it’s the _literal, actual worst._

Marie draws Siobhan and Maggie back to the rest of the group, and she starts positioning them where she wants them, instructing them to open their scripts like a general preparing her troops for battle. It would be funny, if Kristen weren’t wondering miserably how the hell she’s going to get through the next couple months of rehearsals and shows when she’s supposed to play opposite _Siobhan_.

It’s not like Siobhan is mean, or anything. Sure, she’s top of the class and one of the popular girls, on the fast track for valedictorian, but she’s always been nice to Kristen. They had Chemistry together, freshman year, and there was that one time they had to work together because Siobhan’s lab partner skipped and Kristen’s was on an exchange to France and—

Kristen watches as Marie sets up the scene, positioning Siobhan in the centre of the stage, her hands animated as she explains excitedly how the scene’s going to play out. According to the script, Dean sings the lead in the first song, introducing the story in the _Road So Far_ sequence. Siobhan exchanges an amused glance with Maggie, across the stage where Marie left her, waiting for her cue, and the two of them laugh. The butterflies in Kristen’s stomach start freaking out, turning somersaults and backflips and beating against her insides, and she’s _not_ jealous that Maggie gets to share inside jokes with Siobhan or that they probably hang out outside of class because they’re both beautiful and smart and popular.

She shoves the feelings down and tries to listen to Marie’s direction, and then Marie launches herself off the stage and seats herself in the front row and says “action”—and oh no.

Oh _no._

Siobhan is _singing_.

Kristen sinks down further in her seat, flushing all the way up to the tips of her ears and wishing she could disappear. Because Siobhan has a beautiful singing voice (of _course_ she does), and she’s playing Dean, the character that _Kristen_ ’s character pretty much gives up everything for, and Kristen has this horrible, terrible, _god-awful crush on her_ , and she is completely and utterly screwed.

* * *

At first, rehearsals are hard. It’s bad enough having to see Siobhan every day in Chemistry class and in the hallways, but having to stare at her during rehearsals, stand way too close to her—so close she can smell her _hair_ for goodness sakes—to watch her smile and laugh and joke like Dean Winchester when Kristen’s half in love with _him_ too is just the worst ever.

She’s sucking at this, she can tell by the way Marie is shaking her head and face-palming dramatically from the front row, and besides, everything she’s saying feels off. She breathes a sigh of relief when Marie calls a cut on the scene from _Sympathy for the Devil_ and she gets to take a break while Maggie and Siobhan work through the scene from _Good God Y’all_ , slipping out the auditorium doors while the actresses playing Rufus and Ellen and Jo take their places on stage.

It’s a little cold outside today, the wind biting at her cheeks and combing through the short strands of her hair, but she makes her way over to the cement half-wall behind the school, hoisting herself up onto the cold brick. She fishes an apple out of her backpack and bites into it angrily, kicking her heel against the wall and wondering how the hell she’s possibly going to get through weeks of rehearsals. At this rate Marie will probably kick her out, let her understudy take her place. And that—watching someone _else_ play Cas when the part had been hers—will probably kill her.

She’s moved on to her sandwich by the time she realizes she’s not alone. She looks up at the scuff of shoes on the cement and finds herself face to face with Siobhan.

“Hey,” Siobhan says, and Kristen dies a little inside at the way her full lips curve into a soft smile. “We have to do our buddy cop scene.”

“Right, sorry,” Kristen says, flushing, and she starts shoving things back into her bag. She throws it over her shoulder, and when she looks back up, Siobhan is watching her curiously.

“Hey, um, is everything okay?”

Kristen’s cheeks heat even more and she tries a smile she hopes looks genuine. “Totally. Why do you ask?”

“It’s just…” Siobhan hesitates. “Well I saw your audition. It was amazing. You did such a good job. I didn’t even have to know anything about the character of Castiel to know that you played him so well. And today you just—”

“—sucked,” Kristen finishes with a grimace, sliding off her perch on the wall and falling into step at Siobhan’s side. “Yeah I know. Sorry.”

Siobhan shakes her head. “I wasn’t going to say that,” she protests. “Everyone has off days. And this is your first musical, right?”

“First _anything_ ,” Kristen corrects miserably.

“See!” Siobhan smiles encouragingly, and despite herself, Kristen feels her own lips curl up in response. “But you’re a great actor; I saw that in your audition. You obviously feel really strongly about this character, right?”

Kristen whips her head around to stare openly up at Siobhan. How could she possibly know that? Slowly, Kristen nods.

“Well you just have to let that shine through. Let him, uh.” Siobhan pauses and Kristen is thrilled and surprised and totally charmed to see her blush, a bright flush of color spreading across the high arch of her cheekbones. “Okay, this is going to sound really dumb, but just let him speak through you.”

Kristen can’t help it. She laughs, the sound escaping in a little hiccup that she can’t hold back, and she feels the tight grip of apprehension around her lungs shake loose until she can breathe easily again. Siobhan mock scowls but she can only hold onto it for a second before it slips into a matching smile, and she elbows Kristen teasingly in the side as they reach the auditorium doors.

“I told you it sounded dumb! But it’s not bullcrap okay? It works.”

“I believe you,” Kristen says sincerely, still smiling. “I’ll try that.”

“Awesome,” Siobhan says and grins wide like she knows exactly what she just said, and Kristen feels the butterflies in her stomach start fluttering again, but in a kind of good way. She reaches for the handle on the auditorium door and holds it open for Siobhan, and the two of them make their way back down the auditorium stairs together to the stage, where Marie leaps instantly to her feet.

“Finally! Are you ready for the brothel scene?”

Siobhan slings an arm around Kristen’s shoulders and she knows it’s a reference to the scene from _Free to be You and Me_ but she can’t help but smile down at her feet, feeling the warmth of Siobhan pressed up against her side, slender arm curled companionably around her shoulders. She hopes that the dim lights of the auditorium are enough to hide her blush.

“We’re ready. Right Cas?”

“Right,” Kristen says, and her cheeks hurt with how hard she’s grinning and she makes herself look over at Siobhan-—close, so freaking close—to see her smile back.

* * *

After that it becomes a game of watching the clock, anxiously counting down the days to the next rehearsal. It’s hard to concentrate on school when she’s running Cas’ lines over and over through her head, and she’s had “I’ll Just Wait Here Then” stuck in her head for about ten days straight since the first time she actually sung it at rehearsal and miraculously made it all the way through without dropping to her knees to declare her undying love for Siobhan. It’s still hard as hell, singing and acting opposite Siobhan and knowing down deep that Cas loves Dean with everything he’s got, feeling the answering ache in her chest when she looks at Siobhan and sings the words to her song, but it’s also _fun_ , laughing and joking with Siobhan between scenes. The hardest part now is keeping a straight face whenever Siobhan makes one of Dean’s jokes, because Cas might not get it but _she_ does, and Siobhan plays Dean so well that it’s really, really hard not to laugh.

It sucks though, when the rehearsal ends and she has to part ways with the rest of the cast, waving goodbye to Siobhan and Maggie and trudging alone to her mom’s car, parked and waiting at the curb.

The next day in Chemistry class, she’s not even trying to pay attention to Mr. Dixon, passing the time by doodling little stick figures of Cas and Dean in the margins of her notes. She’s just started on a pair of fluffy wings sticking out from behind stick-Cas’ back when she’s startled by a sudden tap on her shoulder. She jumps, dropping her pen and glancing hurriedly up at their teacher to make sure he’s still dutifully scribbling formulas on the whiteboard before turning around.

Siobhan is leaning forward in her desk, and she flicks a glance over Kristen’s shoulder at the teacher too before passing her a note, folded into a fancy pattern so that it makes a tiny square with the ends tucked inside themselves. Kristen frowns, confused. This has never happened before. Sure she and Siobhan have been lab partners before and they’re co-stars now on the play, but they’re not friends. Are they? She takes the note, though, turning back to face the front of the room before unfolding it underneath her desk.

_What are you doing Friday night?_

The blood rushes to Kristen’s face so fast it’s a miracle she doesn’t pass out. As it is she feels a little lightheaded, and she takes a moment to thank whoever’s listening that she’s sitting down for this. What the hell does this mean? Is this what she _thinks_ it is? She’s never been asked out before but it sure sounds like that’s what this is leading to.

_Nothing_ , she scribbles hastily, wincing at how messy her handwriting looks just two lines below Siobhan’s neat, pretty letters, even messier than usual with the pen shaking in her hand. _Why?_

Heart beating wildly in her chest, Kristen hastily folds the note back up, amazed she’s even able to get it back into the neat shape Siobhan had folded it into, and drops it over her shoulder onto Siobhan’s desk. She tries to turn her attention back to Mr. Dixon, scribbling down a couple of the formulas while failing not to listen to the scratch of Kristen’s pen as she replies, going on for longer than she expects.

The sound freezes when Mr. Dixon turns to face the classroom, and Kristen flinches when he calls on Siobhan, but she answers perfectly—of course she does. Because Siobhan is _good_ at school, has always been.

When the teacher turns back to the board, Kristen feels a touch on her shoulder and turns a little to see Siobhan’s hand perched there, balanced against her shoulder, the note clutched between her fingers. She takes it and tries to remember how to breathe when their fingers brush.

_Do you want to get together to rehearse? My house? I feel like we need to work on our one-on-one scenes a bit more without the whole rest of the cast waiting their turn._

Kristen’s stomach sinks, and she gives herself a mental kick for even getting her hopes up. Of course, of _course_ this was about the play. How stupid of her to even think that Siobhan would want to ask her out on a date. This is play stuff. Nothing more.

She tries to ignore the sickening sinking feeling in her stomach as she flattens the note and scratches out a reply in the affirmative. She knows she’s only shooting herself in the foot, spending more time with Siobhan, letting her stupid crush get worse and worse, but she can’t help it. Staying away from Siobhan is even more impossible than being with her, and damn it, Kristen will take anything she can get.

* * *

Friday night comes simultaneously too soon and not soon enough, a desperate mixture of impatience and anxiety warring twisting Kristen up in knots for the rest of the week. She can barely stomach anything at dinner that night, pushing her food around her plate until her mother barks at her to eat something. She manages a few bites, enough to turn her mother’s gimlet eye away from her, and pushes herself queasily to her feet when 7:45 rolls around.

“Where are you going?” Mom asks.

“I have that meeting tonight, remember? To work on—um, to study for my Chem exam next week.” She meets her mother’s eyes, hoping desperately that she can’t see through her lie. She fights the urge to shift guiltily under that stern gaze, her hands curling too tight around the back of her chair.

But mother just smiles. “Good. I’m glad to see you taking your studies so seriously, Kristen.”

Kristen nods, tamping down the swirl of reflexive anger that pushes through her anxiety and plastering on a smile. “Can I borrow the car?”

She misses the turn for Siobhan’s subdivision at first and has to do a u-turn and come back around again, finally pulling to a stop outside #152. It’s nice, the lawn mowed but not manicured like Kristen’s, the planters butting up against the little yellow house full to bursting with a riotous array of flowers. Kristen’s family doesn’t garden—they pay someone to do that—and their flowers always look so pristine and perfect in neat little rows that look like they were planted with a measuring stick in hand. These aren’t perfect, but they are pretty.

Kristen finds herself at the front door too soon, and she clicks the button on the keyfob nervously to make sure she locked the car door, jumping embarrassingly when the car honks at her from the curb. She steels herself, then raises a hand to knock, but before she can actually connect, the door swings open from the inside.

“Hey!” Siobhan smiles at her and Kristen feels like she’s melting into a puddle on the front step. Siobhan’s cheeks are flushed, her dark hair woven into a loose braid that drapes over one shoulder. Kristen realizes with a shock that she’s never seen her out of her uniform, can barely handle how cute Siobhan looks in the cropped navy sweatpants sitting low on her hips, and a loose, heather grey t-shirt.

She also realizes she’s been standing here like a dork with her mouth slightly open for way longer than can be considered cool. “Uh, hey,” she answers finally, her cheeks burning up as she steps into the house when Siobhan beckons.

“Find it okay?” Siobhan asks and Kristen nods.

“It was easy,” she lies, choosing not to tell Siobhan about her little detour. She notes Siobhan’s socked feet and toes off her Converses, lining them up precisely beside the shoes already laid out haphazardly on the mat.

“Good.” Siobhan smiles. “C’mon, my room’s this way.”

Kristen follows Siobhan through the clean but cluttered house, magazines spread across the tables, a book lying open on the arm of one of the flower-patterned couches, spine creased. A TV plays in the kitchen, the sounds coming from its speakers overwritten by voices raised in conversation. Siobhan stops by the doorway of the kitchen, gesturing Kristen up beside her.

“Mom, Dad, this is Kristen,” Siobhan interrupts without preamble. Her parents stop, turning smiling faces towards the door.

“Nice to meet you, Kristen,” Siobhan’s dad says. His eyes crease when he smiles.

“You two are working on the play tonight?” Siobhan’s mom asks, sweeping long dark hair, so much like Siobhan’s, behind one ear.  Kristen flicks a glance up at Siobhan and nods.

“Good!” Siobhan’s mom continues enthusiastically. “I can’t wait to see you two in it.”

“Ugh, enough already,” Siobhan says, rolling her eyes. “We have work to do.” Siobhan grabs Kristen by the wrist and drags her around the corner to a narrow, carpeted staircase.

“Sorry about them,” Siobhan says, releasing Kristen’s wrist and leading her up the stairs. She turns to look back at Kristen, a slow smile curling her mouth. “What are you laughing about?”

“‘We have work to do,’” Kristen says, letting a giggle slip out. Siobhan looks at her blankly. “Seriously? ‘We have—’ it’s like, a _thing_ in _Supernatural_! The Winchester brothers say it all the time.”

“Oh,” Siobhan says, and grimaces. They reach the top of the stairs, and Siobhan pushes open a door hung with a sign bearing her name in glittery letters, clearly a vestige of Siobhan’s younger years. “I didn’t know that.”

Kristen follows her into the room, shutting the door behind her. “But it’s in the play! They say it at least twice in the book series.”

Siobhan smiles, looking a little sheepish. “I, um. I actually haven’t read the books.” She shrugs. “I wasn’t a fan, before. Didn’t even know what it was. I just signed up for the play for the college credit.”

“Seriously? Oh my gosh, you have to read them; they’re so good,” Kristen enthuses. Siobhan cocks an eyebrow, a slow smile curling her lips and Kristen flushes. “Shut up, I know I’m a nerd, okay?”

“I think it’s cute,” Siobhan says, grinning, which only makes Kristen blush hotter. Siobhan backs up until her legs bump into her bed, a narrow twin, neatly made with a powder blue bedspread, and sits, leaning back on her hands. “Make yourself at home.”

Kristen glances around the room, taking in the desk, so neatly organized it looks like it was lined up with a ruler, the books on the bookshelf arranged alphabetically by author. She slips the backpack off her shoulder, letting it fall with a thump beside the desk as she opts to sit in the rolling desk chair. No way she’s going to be able to sit in Siobhan’s _bed_ with her and be expected to remember her lines.

Siobhan raises her eyebrows in the direction of Siobhan’s bag. “What you got in there, rocks?”

Kristen laughs sheepishly, combing her bangs back from her face with her fingers. “Uh, no. It’s my Chem textbook. I told my mom we were studying for our exam next week,” she admits.

“Why?”

“She’s not exactly excited about the play,” Kristen says bitterly, unzipping her bag to pull out the script. “She doesn’t think a play is a good use of my time. Says I should be focusing on studying, not goofing off with extracurriculars I’m never going to need. She just doesn’t get that—” Kristen stops herself abruptly, her eyes darting up to meet Siobhan’s.

“No, what were you going to say?” Siobhan asks curiously, stretching across to her bedside table where her script lies open, the page it’s open to neatly highlighted and annotated in the margins. Her shirt slips up as she reaches, exposing a narrow strip of flat stomach. Kristen swallows, forcing herself back to her train of thought.

“Um. She doesn’t get that _Supernatural_ is really important to me, that’s all. She thinks it’s dumb—a waste of time.” She looks down at her socked feet, shuffling them against the short carpet. “I mean, it’s not like it’s super well-written or anything, and it has pretty much no literary merit but—” she forces herself to a stop, letting out a gush of air. “It just means a lot to me.”

Kristen looks up, finding Siobhan staring at her, green eyes sharp as they study her. She didn’t think it was possible for her to blush harder but she proves herself wrong  and she reaches to comb back her bangs nervously.

Finally Siobhan’s mouth breaks into a smile. “Well if it means so much to you maybe I should read the books.”

Kristen grimaces. “You don’t have to. Just because I—”

Siobhan cuts her off with a shake of her head. “I want to. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to hurt, right? I could probably use the character reference.” She frowns. “I wonder if I can get them at the library…”

“You can borrow mine,” Kristen offers hastily. “I’ll bring them to school on Monday.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Kristen tries a smile, butterflies churning up her stomach when Siobhan smiles even wider in return.

“So,” Siobhan says, with the air of someone getting down to business. “Should we tackle this thing or what?” She waves her script in the air and Kristen giggles.

Kristen bends to fish around in her bag, coming up with her own script. She bends out a crease in the corner of it, from where she’d stuffed it in hastily on her way out the door. “Good idea. What scene?”

“Let’s start with the first time Dean and Cas meet…”

* * *

Kristen floats through the weekend on a high from their rehearsal, remembering being in Siobhan’s bedroom, acting out their parts. Of course Siobhan had barely needed her script, having memorized most of her lines already. Kristen’s surprised to find she can still keep up, since she already knows so many of Cas’ lines inside and out from reading _Supernatural_ more times than she cares to admit. It’s only the musical numbers and original lines that Marie had written in that she still has to memorize, and they don’t make it past established canon that night, so she’s in her element.

It wasn’t all work though; Siobhan as Dean had made her laugh too many times to count, and unlike Marie who seems to find it irritating, Siobhan finds it hilarious. More than once the two of them found themselves in fits of giggles, and Kristen was shocked and pleased when she was able to pull a few surprised laughs out of Siobhan too, with her deadpan delivery of Cas’ lines and unintentional humor.

And Kristen is _so_ freaking screwed.

Monday morning, Kristen finds herself at Siobhan’s locker, shifting nervously from foot to foot as she waits for Siobhan to get to school. Her stomach is even less settled than usual, turning uncomfortable flips as she waits. Then Siobhan appears out of the crowd, her dark hair windblown around her shoulders, and she smiles as soon as she sees Kristen, and Kristen has to force herself not to read too much into that.

“Hey!” Siobhan exclaims. “How was the rest of your weekend?” She slips her bag off her shoulders, dropping it down between her feet as she reaches to open her locker.

“Um, it was pretty good,” Kristen replies. “Yours?”

Siobhan shrugs. “Yeah it was okay, I guess.” She gets her locker open and slips out of her jacket, hanging it up inside. “What’s up?”

“I brought you the, uh, the _Supernatural_ books. I mean, not all of them—there are like sixty published works and then the unpublished stuff online—but the first few.”

“Oh yeah, thanks!” Siobhan turns to beam at her, taking the proffered books. “I’ll take good care of them, I promise.”

Kristen snorts before she can help it, and Siobhan grins. “What?”

Kristen flushes, but forces the words out of her mouth anyway. “Well I’ve seen your bedroom. Your books are all like new. I don’t think you could treat a book badly if you tried.”

Siobhan rolls her eyes but she’s smiling, and she leans in to bump Kristen with her shoulder. The contact fizzes along Kristen’s skin, warming her from the inside out.

“Shut up,” Siobhan retorts, a pretty pink flush rising in her cheeks and Kristen gives in to the sensation and grins. For a second they’re just staring at each other, smiling and blushing and then the bell rings above their heads, making both of them jump.

“Crap, I better go,” Kristen says, glancing down the steadily filling hallways. “I have English in 102.”

“Hang on a sec, I have AP Bio down there too. I’ll walk with you.” Kristen blinks in mute surprise, watching as Siobhan switches out her books, zipping up her backpack and shouldering it before shutting her locker. “Okay, let’s go.”

Kristen finds herself walking side by side with Siobhan down the hallway, a previously unforeseen development. She likes it—of course she freaking likes it—but it’s so strange. Are they friends now, or something? All the times she’s wished that they could be, but she never actually thought it would happen. _No,_ she tells herself sternly, flicking a glance at the taller girl out of the corner of her eye. _Don’t get excited. We’re just walking to class. She’s just being polite._

They reach 102 and Kristen smiles, opens her mouth to say goodbye to Siobhan but Siobhan beats her to the punch.

“I’ll see you in Chem?” Siobhan asks, which is a strange question because Kristen barely ever skips and when she does she _never_ skips Chem, the one class she has with her ill-advised crush.

“Um, yep,” Kristen says and Siobhan smiles.

“Awesome,” she says and winks, and Kristen’s smile lasts long after she’s made her way to her seat and the bell has rung for the start of classes.

* * *

It’s a boring day but she makes it through, buoyed by the knowledge that Chemistry is waiting for her in the afternoon. Siobhan smiles and waves at her when she walks into the classroom and that’s enough to make Kristen giddy all over again as she slips into the seat in front of her, grateful that Siobhan can’t see her blush for once.

She’s about to turn around, only a vague idea of what dumb non-sequitur she’s going to use to start a conversation when Mr. Dixon walks into class, looking harassed.

“We’ll be in the lab today,” Dixon says, hastily shuffling through the papers on his desk. “Partner up.”

Kristen groans internally, glancing disparagingly left and right at her classmates, all of whom are turned to their friends, pairing off like the animals on the ark. She sinks down further in her seat, waiting for the inevitable teacher-assisted lab partner assignment.

A tap on her shoulder makes her jump and she turns in her seat to find Siobhan leaning further across the desk into her space. “Want to work together?” Siobhan asks, and Kristen has to blink rapidly several times before she can convince herself she didn’t imagine it, and then one more time as she forces her mouth into motion.

“Y-yeah, that would be great,” Kristen stutters out, and Siobhan smiles.

“Sweet. We can work on the play and the lab report at the same time.”

Kristen nods along, her mouth split in a huge smile. Siobhan had asked _her_ , and she knows she shouldn’t read too much into that but she can’t help the happy butterflies fluttering around in her stomach.

The lab goes by without incident, unless you count the time that Siobhan had passed Kristen a beaker of carefully measured liquid and their fingers had brushed, and Kristen had felt herself flush bright red and barely managed to keep herself from dropping the beaker on the floor. Or the time when Siobhan had turned to her just before she dropped in the crumpled up piece of aluminum foil and quoted from _Supernatural_ , “So, what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” and Kristen’s brain had gone immediately from the Destiel implications of that line to the Thelma-and-Louise-kissed implications of it and she’d forced a laugh that sounded shrill and unnatural to keep from doing something stupid like leaning in to find Siobhan’s lips with her own.

Siobhan makes her laugh of course, laughs right back at Kristen’s pathetic attempts at jokes, and their lab goes smoothly, with Siobhan’s careful attention to detail and Kristen’s precise instructions. They work well together, and they’re one of the first groups done, their results recorded and ready to be written out for their Thursday deadline.

“So I guess we should meet up to work on this,” Siobhan says, scanning their data carefully, green eyes flickering over the carefully written numbers.

“You can come to my house tomorrow,” Kristen offers quickly, her heart picking up speed for no good reason. “My mom won’t have a problem with me having a friend over to work on Chem.”

Siobhan smiles. “Sounds good.”

“And maybe—” Kristen sucks in a sharp breath, surprised at her own daring. “Maybe you can give me your phone number, too. And then I can text you with a time?”

“Sure.” Siobhan nods, fishing her phone out of the pocket of her book bag. She hands it over. “Give me yours, too.”

Five minutes later, Kristen makes her way back to her locker, staring at the contact entry on the screen of her phone. Siobhan’s phone number. She’d gotten _Siobhan’s_ phone number.

She has to bite the inside of her lip to keep her smile under control, and it takes a supreme force of will to keep herself from skipping down the hallway.

* * *

Kristen’s mom loves Siobhan, of course. Siobhan puts on her persona of model student the second she walks in the door, going on when prompted about all of her gajillions of Advanced Placement classes and the colleges she’s applying to. Kristen studiously ignores the look her mom shoots her way—the one that says, _why can’t you be more like your friend, here?_ —and waits until Siobhan makes a polite exit, holding up her Chemistry textbook in demonstration of all the work they have to do tonight.

Of course, once the door to Kristen’s room is closed, she tosses the Chemistry book aside and reaches into her bag to pull out her neatly annotated and highlighted script. “Can you help me with a scene in Act III? I just don’t know how I should be playing this scene with Cas, and you know Cas better than anyone.”

“What about our Chem homework?” Kristen asks through the fuzzy warmth spreading through her chest.

Siobhan shrugs, smiling. “We can do that later. Unless you’re going to kick me out right away?”

_Never_ , Kristen just manages to _not_ say, and then she climbs up on the bed beside Siobhan, trying not to lean into the brush of their thighs as she peers over Siobhan’s shoulder at the script. Siobhan is warm and she even _smells_ good, like something fruity and fresh and sweet, and it takes everything Kristen has to keep her eyes glued to the pages.

They do eventually get to their lab report, after spending nearly two hours talking about the play, running through lines until Siobhan thinks she’s got the scene down. It’s nearly 10 pm by the time Siobhan leaves, completed lab report in hand, script stashed safely away in her backpack.

Kristen brushes her teeth that night with her script clutched tightly in her free hand, skimming over her lines, Siobhan’s voice in her head reading the answering lines back to her. When she shuts off the light, she folds the script carefully closed and leaves it on her nightstand, tucking it underneath her phone to keep the cover, already bent back from frequent reading, from flapping open.

She’s almost asleep, Castiel’s lines still running circles around her head, when the screen of her phone lights up, showing through her eyelids. She opens her eyes, squinting against the glare, and slides across the bed to grab her phone off the nightstand.

_Siobhan: We have rehearsal tomorrow night, right?_

Kristen’s brow furrows as she stares in confusion at the message. They’ve had rehearsal every Wednesday after school ever since the casting was announced. She taps out her reply ( _Yes, as far as I know,)_ and sets her phone beside her pillow on the mattress, staring at it until it lights up again, two messages coming in quick succession.

_Siobhan: K. See you there unless I run into you before :)_

_Siobhan: Night, Cas._

She tells herself that Siobhan doesn’t get the implications of what she’s saying, calling Kristen the Cas to her Dean. That it’s just the play talking. But even saying that doesn’t make her stop loving the hell out of it, hoping she’ll never stop doing it. Kristen’s heart pounds and it takes a few minutes for her shaking fingers to get out her reply, and another few minutes to actually make herself hit send.

_Me: Goodnight, Dean :)_

It takes her a while to fall asleep after that, but when she does, she falls asleep with her smile turned into her pillow, phone clutched tightly in her hand.

* * *

Things were obviously going too well for Kristen, so of course, she sleeps through her alarm the next day. By the time she rushes into the school, hair still sticking up in messy brunette spikes where she hadn’t had time to tame it and her school blazer buttoned wrong, lunch left behind unmade at home, most of the students are already in class. She doesn’t run into Siobhan, even though she hopefully detours by her locker to see if she’s there, even for just a quick hello. It’s pathetic, she knows, but that doesn’t stop her from doing it.

She makes it to her first class bare minutes before the bell rings, and hurriedly pulls out her books, trying to hastily flatten her hair and fix her misbuttoned blazer before anyone notices.

Her phone, still shoved into the blazer pocket, vibrates, making her jump. She glances up at Ms. Anderson before fishing it out, slumping down so she can see the screen where she holds it under her desk out of the teacher’s sight.

_Siobhan: I went by your locker earlier and you weren’t here. Everything okay?_

Kristen bites her lip against the gigantic smile threatening to overpower her face.

_Me: I’m good. Just slept in._

_Siobhan: LOL oops. Make it to class on time?_

_Me: Barely. Forgot my lunch though._

_Siobhan: Crap. Want to share mine? Mom always packs me extra._

Kristen glances up, finds Ms. Anderson still scribbling away on the whiteboard, droning on in her reedy voice. Her face is warm, her fingers trembling and she feels like she should probably jump up and down or run around or something, she has so much extra energy. Siobhan just offered to share lunch with her. Siobhan had been looking for _her_ this morning, was worried about her when she couldn’t find her. Still worrying her lip between her teeth, she takes a chance.

_Me: I think I’m going to walk to the Biggerson’s down the road and get something. Want to join? We can run lines if u want._

She leaves her phone in her lap, forcing herself to take notes and not stare at her phone, waiting for Siobhan to reply. She doesn’t have long to wait, and it’s shockingly uncool how quickly she drops her pen mid-word, snatching her phone from where it rests against her thigh to read Siobhan’s reply.

_Siobhan: I’m in. Meet you at your locker?_

_Me: Sounds awesome :)_

“Something interesting, Ms. Baker?”

Kristen looks up, startled, shoving her phone into her pocket as fast and as discreetly as possible, feeling her face flush with embarrassment. She doesn’t meet the eyes of the many curious students who turn around to stare at her, shaking her head in answer to Ms. Anderson’s question. “No, sorry.”

Ms. Anderson narrows her eyes, but thankfully doesn’t interrogate her further. Kristen supposes that years of never stepping out of line and quietly following the pack are working in her favor.

“Good. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”

Kristen nods, and Ms. Anderson turns back to the whiteboard. She doesn’t dare fish her phone back out of her pocket though it weighs heavily against her hip inside her blazer pocket, a reminder that she has a date with Siobhan at lunch time. _Not a date, not a date_ , she tells herself as she copies notes on automatic, but she can’t tamp down the swell of warmth that fills her chest and carries her through the rest of her morning classes, or the dorky smile she can feel tugging at her lips when she sees Siobhan making her way through the crowds of girls to Kristen’s locker after the lunch bell rings.

Biggerson’s is a short ten minute walk from the school, which means they’ll only have half an hour to eat before they have to get back to class. But with Siobhan at her side, bare inches between them as they make their way down the street, Kristen doesn’t care. The cool fall breeze whips Siobhan’s long hair around her shoulders and face, the strands clinging to the smooth line of her jaw and slipping across her lips, and Kristen tries, mostly successfully, not to stare. They talk the whole way there about school and their teachers and about nothing in particular, completely failing to run lines, despite it being one of the pretenses for the trip.

The bell above the door tinkles as Kristen follows Siobhan inside, the pair of them making a beeline through unspoken agreement for the only booth left empty by the window. Siobhan shrugs easily out of her dark red St. Alphonso’s cardigan, rolling up the sleeves of the white button-down with practiced ease. Kristen shoves her backpack into the corner of the booth and tries not to fidget with her tie, which she _knows_ is crooked since she was so rushed this morning.

“Gosh, I haven’t been to Biggerson’s in _forever_ ,” Siobhan says excitedly, flipping open one of the menus slapped down by a harried-looking waitress on her way past. “I’ve been craving their fries so bad.”

Kristen doesn’t quite catch the giggle as it slips past her lips, and she feels herself blush when Siobhan looks up at her curiously.

“What?”

Kristen shakes her head, pressing her lips together. “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“No,” Siobhan says, and her lips curl up into a slow grin. “Tell me.”

“Well, um. You just—you sound like Ruby. From _Supernatural._ ” Kristen’s face feels like it’s about a million degrees but she lets herself smile sheepishly.

“Of course,” Siobhan laughs. “It’s always about _Supernatural_ with you.” It should make Kristen feel defensive, but there’s the way Siobhan smiles at her, warm and fond like she might just _like_ that fact, and there’s the way her foot knocks affectionately against Kristen’s under the table that makes Kristen smile so hard her face starts to hurt.

“All right then.” Siobhan cocks a shapely, teasing eyebrow. “What would _Dean_ order, Miss _Supernatural_ Genius? Since not everyone at this table has read them a hundred billion times.”

Kristen bites her lip, trying not to think about how much this feels like flirting. “That’s easy: a bacon cheeseburger.”

“Guess I know what I’m getting then.” Siobhan lifts a hand to signal to the waitress. “Bacon cheeseburger, please,” she says, when the waitress appears at her side, and she turns her head just a little to wink at Kristen across the table.

Despite the restaurant being busy with the lunch hour crowd, their food makes it out within ten minutes. At the first bite of her cheeseburger, Siobhan makes a noise that should probably be illegal, and Kristen has to busy herself shoving onion rings into her mouth to keep from staring, heat racing over her skin. She burns her tongue a little on the onions which are still too hot to eat so fast, and has to chug a whole bunch of her soda to soothe it. And when Siobhan snorts a laugh, Kristen somehow manages to tamp down her embarrassment and throw her a Cas squint that makes Siobhan laugh so hard she has to leave the table for a minute.

“So are you excited about opening night?” she asks when she’s composed herself and slipped back into her seat. “Only like, a month away.”

The warm confidence that had come with making Siobhan laugh twists nauseatingly in Kristen’s stomach, and she sets down the onion ring that she’d lifted halfway to her mouth. “Nervous, more than anything,” she admits, fiddling with the napkin in her lap, eyes cast downwards. The thing is, she _is_ excited. Acting as Cas is amazing, like taking _off_ her mask more than putting it on. She can feel herself light up with Castiel’s passion every time she steps out onto that dusty stage, especially when she’s on stage with Siobhan, standing too close and sharing subtextual homoerotic moments as if that was real, too. But doing that in front of a whole bunch of people she doesn’t know—that thought is enough to make her sick.

“Aw, come on. You’re going to do great, Kristen.”

Siobhan sounds so sure that Kristen looks up from her cooling onion rings and manages a smile. “I hope so,” she says, and Siobhan grins back.

“See? A few weeks ago you wouldn’t even be able to say that. You’re going to kick ass. _No one_ could play Castiel as well as you.”

“That’s half the problem though,” Kristen protests. “What if I mess up and play him wrong?”

“You won’t,” Siobhan says, with such easy confidence that Kristen blushes. “Everyone is going to love you.”

“What about you?” Kristen counters, directing the subject away from her rapidly approaching stage debut and trying not to dwell on the way Siobhan said _everyone is going to love you_ , when Kristen just wants one person to do that. “Are you excited?”

Siobhan shrugs, her smile turning sheepish. It’s still unfairly cute. “Yeah, I guess? I started this for the credit, but it’s really kinda fun. My parents are annoyingly psyched, though. Can’t wait to see us up on stage.”

Right. Because some people’s parents are supportive of their kids doing things they like. Some parents aren’t so fixated on “the plan”. Kristen’s jaw tenses and she swallows hard against the mixed anger and sadness and embarrassment bubbling up the back of her throat, trying to hide it away where Siobhan can’t see.

She knows she’s failed when a soft hand lands over hers, making her jump. She looks up, startled, to meet Siobhan’s eyes across the table, wide and green and so sincere.

“Hey,” Siobhan says softly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” Kristen interrupts. She doesn’t want to talk about it, especially not during what is arguably the best lunch of Kristen’s life. “Don’t worry about it.”

Siobhan still looks concerned. “Are you sure?” She smiles. “I’m a good listener.”

Kristen huffs a humorless laugh. “Thanks. It’s just—” She pauses to scramble all her thoughts in order. “I just wish my mom cared about what I want. Sometimes it seems like all she cares about is that I get the grades to get into a good college and find a job that’ll look impressive on the dumbass newsletter she sends out to the rest of the family at Christmastime. If she knew how much time I was spending on this, she’d probably flip.”

“Do you ever wish you didn’t sign up for the play?” Siobhan asks softly, her eyes steady as they bore into Kristen’s.

“No,” Kristen says instantly, her voice sure this time. “I’m scared out of my mind being up on that stage in front of people but this—this _matters_ to me. To a lot of people, actually. I know I need to be a part of it. I wouldn’t give it up for all the parental approval in the world.” She doesn’t say that spending time with Siobhan has only compounded her passion for the play, or that lying to her mother to go run lines feels like it’s worth it, if she gets to spend time with Siobhan.

Siobhan’s hand tightens on hers, thumb skating once over the the back of Kristen’s hand, and her mouth turns up in a smile so beautiful that Kristen’s chest hurts, even as she smiles back.

“That’s badass,” Siobhan says softly, and her hand lingers over Kristen’s for a moment before she pulls back slowly, a pale pink flush coloring her cheeks.

They both return to their food, and somehow Kristen finds her stomach settled enough that she can eat again, smiling between bites.

* * *

After that first lunch together, something changes. Rehearsal that night is one of the most fun they’ve had so far, and though Marie gives them a stern lecture about taking things seriously, they find themselves joking around in between scenes, only toning it down during emotional moments in the script. Kristen barely makes it through her song “I’ll Just Wait Here, Then” without bursting out laughing, especially with Siobhan standing just off to stage right, supposedly pretending to sleep but wiggling around into more and more ridiculous positions as the scene progresses. The next day, Siobhan waves her over to sit with her and her friends at lunch, and Kristen goes with only a little trepidation. It winds up not being nearly as awkward as she expected: Maggie’s there, and Cora, and a few others from the play, so she doesn’t even feel out of place.

That night she gets a text message with a photo of Siobhan attached. Her hair is down around her shoulders in a dark, satiny curtain, and she’s wearing a faded t-shirt with a tiger on it and holes along the collar—and her face is covered in what looks like dark stubble. She’s making a hilarious squinty duckface in a ridiculous imitation of a male model and the caption reads: _Heya, Cas._

Kristen bursts out laughing, muffling the sound into her pillow so she doesn’t wake up the rest of the house, and it takes her several minutes before she can compose herself enough to reply.

_Me: OMG I’m dying. what’s with the beard?_

_Siobhan: like it? It’s coffee grounds. Google said that’s the best way to get a fake beard._

_Me: It’s awesome. Maybe a little dark for Dean though?_

_Siobhan: You’re the expert. I’ll go a little lighter next time. ;)_

Their text conversations grow more and more frequent, and they hang out at lunch more often than they don’t. Since Siobhan is such a perfectionist, she insists on weekly practices outside of rehearsal so they can get the Destiel scenes down, though Kristen thinks they spend just as much time laughing and teasing each other as they do rehearsing.Thanks to their excellent cooperation they ace their lab report, and they wind up hanging out outside of school to work on non-play schoolwork too.

And suddenly, somehow, they’re friends. Kristen’s still not sure how it happened, but she’s glad for it, even though she knows she’s just digging herself a deeper hole. Far from making things easier, being friends with Siobhan and talking to her every single day and getting to know her has only compounded Kristen’s crush. She catches herself staring when Siobhan tosses her long hair over her shoulder or combs her fingers through it, and god help her when Siobhan bites her lip. She’s pretty much in love with that freckle on Siobhan’s cheek, which is about the most pathetic thing she can imagine. It’s torture, but Kristen is too much of a masochist to put a stop to it. Just like Cas, she’ll take what she can get of her (best?) friend—even if that means suffering every moment.

As opening night of the play gets closer and closer, though, the stress starts to wear on all of them them. Marie is even more overbearing than usual, stressed out and frantic to have everything go right. She snaps at her actors and fights them on interpretations, and more than once, Kristen and Siobhan have to slink awkwardly away while she and Maggie have it out about whether non-canon events should make it into the play.

But it’s not just Maggie getting in trouble with their over zealous director; with opening night looming ever nearer, Marie decides she’s had enough of Siobhan and Kristen’s antics on-stage.

“It’s time to get serious,” she says severely as Maeve nods sternly at them from her place at Marie’s shoulder.

“C’mon, Marie, we’re just having fun,” Siobhan soothes. “Relax, it’s just a dumb play.”

Marie draws up like a pissed-off cat, sucking in a shocked breath. Kristen feels a reflexive surge of protectiveness for her beloved _Supernatural_ but it’s nothing to the way Marie bristles, one part hilarious, two parts terrifying. “Listen, _Siobhan_ ,” she says slowly, taking step forward until she’s only inches from Siobhan’s face. “This may be ‘ _just a dumb play’_ to you, but what do you know? Have you even read the books?”

Siobhan flushes angrily and it’s enough that Kristen knows she hadn’t, feels her heart sink a little at the admission. So Siobhan had just been humoring her, all this time? She probably laughed about nerdy little Kristen’s _Supernatural_ obsession behind her back after every time they hung out. She feels stupid, humiliated, and—even though she’s tried her best to keep her heart the hell away from this whole situation—heartbroken. So much for their friendship, so much for Kristen’s stupid crush. She’d known better. She should have known better.

“I didn’t think so,” Marie goes on coldly. “Well, it might not mean anything to you, but it means something to others, and if you’d read the books, if you even cared a little bit about the story we’re trying to tell here, you’d get that. As it is,” she continues, smiling dangerously, “if you don’t take this seriously I’ll replace you with your understudy. You won’t get your precious _college credit_. You’re the best Dean we have but if you’re not going to give it your everything I’m sure Erin would do a better job.”

Marie spins on her heel. “Take five!” she calls over her shoulder.

“Is she serious?” Siobhan asks, outraged, and Maeve nods.

“It’s not the first time I’ve heard it,” she says curtly. “If I were you I’d start taking this seriously, or Marie _will_ replace you.” She turns to follow Marie off the stage, the ends of her dark ponytail whipping against her back as she turns.

Siobhan turns to look back at Kristen and she looks a little sick, her mouth a tight, flat line and her eyes wide. And when she sees Kristen’s face, she takes a step forward, one hand coming up abortively.

“I meant to read them,” she says softly, correctly guessing what’s going through Kristen’s mind. “I wasn’t lying about that. I’ve just been really busy and—”

“It’s okay,” Kristen interrupts softly, and she can’t meet Siobhan’s eyes. “I get it.”

“I’m serious.”

Kristen nods, shuffles her feet. The stage floor beneath them is dusty; she thinks idly that whoever is going to be getting the place ready for opening night is going to have their work cut out for them. “So I guess we should probably work on getting our scenes right before Marie gets back.”

“Okay,” Siobhan says slowly, quietly. “From your entrance?”

Kristen nods again, raising her eyes and pasting on an expression she hopes looks like Castiel’s, burying her hurt underneath his mask.

* * *

Predictably, Marie’s threat gets to Siobhan, and as a result, their rehearsals become more serious than ever. They meet twice a week, and Kristen knows that on the nights they’re not together, she’s rehearsing Sam and Dean scenes with Maggie. It’s hard work, keeping up with her, and Kristen spends her own free time rehearsing in secret, practicing her songs in the auditorium at school so her mom won’t overhear.

The worst part of it all is that things between her and Siobhan are awkward and strained. Siobhan still texts her, and they still hang out at school, but it’s nothing like it was. Siobhan is cautious and careful around her in a way she wasn’t even before they became friends, the ease of their friendship lost somewhere since Marie’s blowout. And Kristen—well, she’d made a mistake letting herself get so close to Siobhan, letting herself _hope_ , and she’s not going to let that happen again.

She throws herself into the play, reading her script every night before she goes to bed. “I’ll Just Wait Here Then” is stuck in her head more often than it’s not, and she wakes up with her lines running through her head before she’s even fully awake. And it hurts now, more than she could have thought, to shoulder Castiel’s burdens and to feel just how similar they really are. _Just my luck_ , she thinks bitterly one night, staring up at the ceiling where it’s lit by the light of the streetlamp streaming in through a break in her curtains that she’s too lazy to get up and fix. _One more way I can identify with Castiel. Waiting and giving everything and letting someone in, and never having anything to show for it._

In spite of all the tension and awkwardness between them, their hard work pays off and their scenes come together. Siobhan is a good actress and Kristen knows Cas like she knows herself, and it shows in the way Marie nods her grudging approval after they wrap up their scenes from the hospital after Dean tortures Alastair.

Kristen follows Siobhan off the stage into the wings, as Maggie and Lena, who’s playing Ruby, file on in their place to start rehearsals on the monastery scene at the end of Lucifer Rising.

“That was really good,” Siobhan says, turning to smile tentatively back at her. “You’ve been practicing.”

“Is that a dig at my acting skills?” Kristen asks flippantly, a little defensive, but Siobhan just smiles wider and shakes her head.

“No, it’s a compliment. You’ve always been good, Kris, but you’re really getting into character even better than I’ve ever seen.”

Kristen feels herself flush with the praise, some small echo of something like what she used to feel when she and Siobhan spent time together flickering to life inside her chest. Until she remembers the reason that she’s felt more _Cas_ than usual these days and that something gutters and dies.

“Thanks,” she says quietly. “You’ve been really good too. Even better than usual, I mean.”

Siobhan smiles sheepishly, looking almost abashed. “Well that’s probably because I’ve been reading the books.”

Kristen looks up sharply. “You have?”

“Yeah.” Siobhan shrugs. “I mean, Marie’s pretty intense and I don’t really trust her judgement but I trust yours. There’s still lots of things I don’t really get—like why the heck everyone thinks Dean and Cas are a thing when Dean kind of thinks Cas is a giant dick, but it’s helping. I mean, look at what he was trying to do to Anna in _Heaven and Hell!_ ”

“What book are you on?” Kristen asks, fighting the instinctive protectiveness that makes her tense up under her skin.

“ _Death Takes a Holiday_ ,” Siobhan replies and Kristen nods, letting herself smile.

“You haven’t really gotten into it yet. You start to see more of Cas’ feelings in the next book. That’s where the last scene came from. He’s a lot more interesting and sympathetic character once you get to know him better.”

Siobhan nods thoughtfully. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it. He’d have to be, since you identify with him so strongly. Do you want to practice our next scene? Marie’s probably going to call us up right away after Maggie and Lena are done.”

“Sure.” They take their places and Kristen steels herself, trying to find Cas’ outward calm in the face of his inner turmoil.

“Why are you here, Cas?” Siobhan says harshly. Her face goes tight with Dean’s fury and his frustration.

Kristen swallows hard. She can do this. “We've been through much together, you and I. And I just—” She stutters, fights the stinging behind her eyes and forces herself to continue. “Sorry. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it ended like this.”

If Siobhan notices the hitch in Kristen’s voice, she mercifully ignores it. “‘Sorry’?” She throws a fake punch and Kristen turns her head with the motion, keeping her face as impassive as possible. Siobhan flinches and flexes her fingers, and the movement would be funny—has been funny, in their previous rehearsals of this scene—if it weren’t for how weird and stilted and hard things are between them right now.

“It's Armageddon, Cas,” Siobhan continues. “You need a bigger word than ‘sorry.’”

“Try to understand,” Kristen protests, putting as much of Castiel’s conflicted desperation into her words as possible “This is long foretold. This is your—”

“Destiny?” Siobhan interrupts roughly. “Don't give me that ‘holy’ crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me, and keep you in line. You know what's real? People, families—that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?”

Suddenly Siobhan throws up her hands in frustration, her hands flying to her hair, her fingers tracing agitated tracks through the strands. “See, this is what I don’t get,” she says and Dean’s gone, it’s all Siobhan now.

Kristen’s brow furrows, totally lost. “What don’t you get?”

“This!” Siobhan waves between them. “This scene, this—everything between Dean and Cas. Why does everyone think Dean and Cas are a thing? Cas let Sam out of the panic room, Cas was the one who tricked Dean into saying yes to helping the angels… sure he does some pretty good stuff later I guess but he doesn’t believe in Dean like Sam does, and he’s so back and forth—why can’t he make up his mind about where his allegiance lies? Why does everyone think Dean and Cas are in love when Cas isn’t even on Dean’s side most of the time?”

Kristen gapes. “Are you kidding me?” She doesn’t wait for Siobhan to answer, defensiveness and anger boiling up inside her. “Cas is thousands of years old. He’s been a soldier for his entire existence, following orders on blind faith his whole life. And then along comes this _man_ , this insignificant human, and he flips everything Castiel has known his entire existence upside down on its head. Suddenly Castiel is questioning his orders, he’s feeling affection for someone he _knows_ he shouldn’t, someone he knows he’s going to have to betray. And the angels punished him for it, but still you can see the seeds of doubt in this scene alone!”

“Yeah I get that but—”

“You know how this scene ends, Siobhan! We’ve rehearsed it enough times. You know that Cas comes back and helps Dean escape, defies Zachariah to follow Dean’s lead, to trust his judgement in the face of everything he is, everything he’s known for _thousands_ of years! And then right after that, he stands up to Raphael the archangel, just to give Dean the time he needs! And he _dies for it!_ ”

Siobhan looks shell shocked, her mouth hanging open in surprise at Kristen’s sudden tirade. Their eyes meet and Kristen feels tears start to gather humiliatingly at the inner corners of her eyes.

“Castiel has lived his whole life doing what he’s supposed to. Do you even know what that’s like? Being told what to do your whole life, live by someone else’s screwed up rules?” Kristen’s hands ball into fists at her sides because _she_ does know. She knows way too freaking well. “Angels were made to follow, and that’s all that was ever expected of him. He was even punished for breaking the rules, but in the end he did it anyway, because it was what he believed in. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with a dumb human and defy all of Heaven, break all the rules following Dean and doing what he thought was right. But he did. And he never says anything about his feelings because he doesn’t think he deserves Dean at all. But he loves him, more than anything.”

There’s a long silence filled only by Kristen’s harsh pants as she struggles to catch her breath. She can feel the heat in her cheeks and she knows she bright red with her angry flush, but it’s dark in the auditorium and she couldn’t care less anyway. Her eyes are locked on Siobhan’s and Siobhan’s are wide and startled.

“Are you still talking about Dean and Cas?” Siobhan asks finally, her voice soft and somehow shocked, like she’s just realized something huge.

Kristen freezes, her whole body locking up and going cold. She feels faint, the blood draining from her face and she thinks she might faint or throw up or at the very least start crying and she can’t let those angry tears fall from her eyes. Because she might be in love with Siobhan just like Cas is in love with Dean but that’s out of bounds, it’s not allowed, and now she’s just gone and ruined everything they had.

“I have to go,” she chokes out, and she turns on her heel before Siobhan can say anything, scooping up her bag from the floor and running out of the room as fast as her legs can carry her, not letting herself turn around to see if Siobhan is following.

She doesn’t stop until she’s outside, the front door of the school closing with a hollow bang behind her. She shivers against the evening chill, wrapping thin arms around herself as she levers herself up onto the retaining wall across the courtyard from the school entrance. She can’t believe she’d let herself get so carried away—she was supposed to keep her guard up, keep her feelings under wraps, but somehow, all the time they’d been spending together, the rehearsals, the lunches, the text messaging, had gotten to her. And now she’s ruined freaking everything.

Kristen sighs, drawing one leg up to rest on top of the wall, kicking the other gently so the heel of her shoe bumps against the cement of the wall. It feels good, the dull pounding an outlet for the throbbing awareness of her screw up, beating along inside her skin in time with the beats of her heart. The play would be awkward from now on; how the hell is she supposed to play a Cas who gave up everything for the man he loves if she can’t even look at Siobhan? And she’ll never be able to look at her again, not knowing that she’d just basically confessed to being so freaking desperately in love with her. She wants to laugh, but it catches in her throat, feels like a sob, so she swallows it back down. Whatever they had, this fledgling friendship was over, and the knowledge burns behind Kristen’s eyes, manifesting in stinging tears that she sweeps away with an angry swipe of her hand.

She hears the scuff of shoes on the cement and she knows without looking up that it’s Siobhan, probably come to see if she’s all right. Of course it’s her, Kristen thinks bitterly, because Siobhan is the nicest, most considerate person, even when Kristen is doing awful, awkward things like falling in love with her when she most definitely shouldn’t have been.

“Hey,” Siobhan says softly, and she hoists herself up on the wall beside Kristen, sitting a safe distance away, Kristen notices bitterly.

“Hey.” Kristen sniffs, looking down at her knees rather than up at her friend. She can’t face her, not yet, can’t stand to see the pity she’s sure is filling those pretty green eyes. “I’m sorry,” she manages to blurt out. “Please can we just—can we just forget everything I just said and keep going like we were? I won’t do anything about—about _that_. We can just be friends. I promise I won’t make it weird.”

Siobhan is silent for a long time. “Okay,” she says finally, and Kristen shouldn’t feel hurt but she does anyway, but forces herself to be relieved. At least they can still be friends.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, Kristen’s heel resuming it’s thumping against the wall. She doesn’t know where they go from here, even with Siobhan’s agreement that they can go on being friends.

Finally it’s Siobhan that breaks the silence.

“So, can we finish working on the scene before we go back in? I think I’m—” she pauses, sucking in a breath. “I thought about what you said, a-about Cas, I mean, and I think I understand things better, now.”

Kristen nods and lowers herself down off the wall, brushing herself off as Siobhan follows suit. She swallows hard, forcing herself to meet Siobhan’s eyes, hands curling into fists at her side.

“Where were we?” Kristen asks softly.

“Dean just said, ‘And you're gonna watch them all burn?’”

“Right.” Kristen nods. Swallows hard and takes a deep breath.

“What is so worth saving?” she says, forcing the words out and trying to hide the way her voice wobbles. “I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.”

Siobhan’s face hardens, and even though Kristen knows she’s acting, that it’s Dean showing through, it feels like a punch to the chest. “You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being someStepford bitch in paradise.” She steps forward and Kristen feels her nearness like a magnet, pulling her forward and pushing her away all at once. She’s compelling like this, Dean’s words on her tongue and determination blazing in her eyes. “This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. There’s a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.”

Kristen’s mouth is dry, something huge and hot burning in her gut as her eyes drop to Siobhan’s mouth. She forces herself to turn away, turn Castiel’s back on Dean.

“Look at me!”

Siobhan’s hand falls on her shoulder, her fingers hot even through the fabric of Kristen’s blazer as she spins her around to face her.

“You know it!” Siobhan repeats, and her eyes are dark and hard and deep, stirring something in Kristen’s chest. “You were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonnawarn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible camp. Help me—now. Please.” Her voice is pleading as she utters the last lines, husky and low and sincere and Kristen thinks she’s going to burn up in the heat of it, the forbidden want flashing under her skin.  
“What would you have me do?” she forces out, the words cracking on her tongue.

“Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it's too late.”

“I do that, we will all be hunted. We'll all be killed.”

“If there is anything worth dying for,” Siobhan says and her voice wavers with the force of her emotion, “this is it.”

A shiver races its way up Kristen’s spine. Siobhan is staring into her eyes, waiting, waiting for Kristen to turn away from her like the script calls for. But there’s something else there in Siobhan’s eyes, something hot and needy and furious and Kristen can’t look away.

Suddenly Siobhan steps in closer, and Kristen doesn’t know what’s happening. Whatever this is, it’s not in the script, and her nails bite crescent-shaped marks into the flesh of her palms as her lips part on a silent gasp. And suddenly there’s no space between them at all, their chests pressed together and Siobhan’s hands are in her hair and she’s leaning in and—

Siobhan kisses her.

Kristen freezes, her whole body tensing as Siobhan’s mouth falls to hers. Her brain is a few steps behind, still stuck on that look in Siobhan’s eyes and Siobhan is already pulling away by the time she catches up, realizes _Siobhan is kissing her_ , and she makes a muffled sound of protest and clutches at Siobhan’s shoulders to drag her back in, kissing back this time, parting her lips to taste more of her. She’s never kissed anyone before, is probably doing it wrong, but Siobhan makes a happy sound and pulls her in tighter, her fingers carding through the hair at the back of Kristen’s head and Kristen thrills with the thought that she can feel every curve of Siobhan’s body pressed in tight against hers.

By the time they pull back, Kristen’s dizzy, dazed, and she leans back a little to look up into Siobhan’s eyes. Her lips are full and flushed from their kisses, and she can’t see the color in the dim light of the streetlamp above them but Kristen thinks Siobhan might be blushing.

“I get it now,” Siobhan says again, softly. “And I don’t want to just be friends.” She smiles then, slow, tentative, and Kristen thinks with something akin to wonder simmering under her skin that Siobhan might have been just as confused and afraid as Kristen was herself.

“Okay,” Kristen says, and she’s smiling so widely her cheeks hurt with it.

“Okay,” Siobhan repeats, and slides her hands down out of Kristen’s hair, over her shoulders and down her arms, tentatively lacing their fingers together.

* * *

OPENING NIGHT

Kristen leans in close to the mirror, straightening the collar of her pristine white shirt around her navy blue tie. She’s sweating already, though whether that’s from nerves or from the layers upon layers of clothes she’s wearing, she doesn’t know. It’s all fine and dandy for Castiel; he’s an angel, he probably doesn’t even sweat, let alone get overheated.

“Hey, are you almost ready?” Kristen looks up to see Siobhan standing in the doorway to the dressing room, leaning around the doorframe. “Marie says those FBI guys want to give us a pep-talk or something. Weird if you ask me, but whatever.”

Siobhan takes a step into the room, tugging the collar of the leather jacket she’s wearing. “How do I look?”

Kristen turns away from the mirror, plastering on a smile she hopes doesn’t look as sickly as she feels. She scans her girlfriend from the tacky blonde wig to the coffee-grounds stubble, to the layers of shirts and faded denim. “You look great,” she says, and it’s true. “Kind of strange to be so into you when you look like a guy,” she jokes, trying to hide her nerves.

Of course, Siobhan sees right through it. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asks, stepping forward into the room. She reaches a hand to touch Kristen’s shoulder, ducking her head to meet her eyes. “Talk to me, Kris.”

Kristen laughs dully, shaking her head. “I’m just freaking out a little. I’ve never done this before. What if I screw up?”

Siobhan’s hand tightens on her shoulder, slides up to curl around the back of her neck. Her fingers slip into Kristen’s hair. “What are you talking about? You’re _great_ , Kristen. You’re going to do awesome.”

“I’m not an actor like you, Siobhan. I’ve never sung in front of a crowd or _anything_ like that. I’m going to mess up. I just know it.”

“Listen,” Siobhan says sincerely, moving her hands until she’s cupping the angle of Kristen’s jaw. “Remember when you auditioned for the part, what Marie said? She told you she’d never met anyone who got Castiel like you did. And it’s true. I’ve read the books now, remember? No one knows him better, and no one could act him better. You don’t have to be an actor. You just have to be Castiel.”

Kristen smiles weakly up at her girlfriend, her hands coming up to curl around Siobhan’s wrists. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” Siobhan smiles and it’s heartbreaking, breathtaking up close, even under the layers of dried coffee grounds painstakingly painted onto her jaw and around her mouth, even with that weird blonde wig covering up her shiny dark hair. “Now, what do you say we get out there and get this weird FBI agent pep talk over with so we can go be Dean and Cas and show these people the greatest love story ever told?”

Kristen smiles then and Siobhan’s lips curl up even further. “That’s my girl.”

And she leans in, her hands tilting Kristen’s face up until their lips meet in a kiss. It’s soft at first, then harder, and Kristen lets her lips fall open for Siobhan’s tongue. They break apart, panting—too soon, way too freaking soon—and Kristen must be pouting or something because Siobhan laughs.

“Gotta be careful,” she says fondly, reaching to brush away a stray coffee ground that had rubbed off onto Kristen’s cheek. “You’re gonna mess up my beard.”

Kristen laughs and takes the hand that Siobhan offers. She reaches up with her free hand and Siobhan tilts her head obligingly, letting Kristen straighten her wig.

“Ready?”

Kristen nods. Her stomach is still full of butterflies and her palm is sweaty where it rests against Siobhan’s but she feels better than she did before, a good nervous. Siobhan’s right; she knows Cas, and she knows this story, and she knows that she’ll have her Dean opposite her to catch her if she stumbles.

She leans in one more time, rising up on her tiptoes to kiss Siobhan again, softly. Their lips brush tenderly and she feels Siobhan’s smile against her mouth before she pulls away again.

“Ready,” she says, and lets Siobhan lead her out of the dressing room onto the stage where the rest of the actors and the FBI agents are waiting.

They have work to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so very much for reading! I have been dying to write Kristen/Siobhan since Fan Fiction aired (CANON F/F RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO IMPORTANT!!!!) and I would love to hear what you think. Please also make sure you visit the art post [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4768208) and leave kudos and comments for my amazing artist Psynatural on her lovely artwork!
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://wincechesters.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/winceywonk) if you want to come say hello! <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[ART MASTERPOST] You Best Believe I'm Yours](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768208) by [Psynatural](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psynatural/pseuds/Psynatural)




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